Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Communicate Clearly in Conflict

Let me get this out in the open early: I don't like conflict. Those who claim they do must be sick. As a matter of fact, sometimes conflict makes me sick. I used to avoid conflict but I'm better at addressing it now. I'm not good at it, just better than I was.

Conflict occurs when two or more parties have a difference of opinion. Conflict is not necessarily negative but can get there in a hurry. So you better communicate clearly, early, and often.

I spoke with a church member yesterday about making a visit to her home today. We made the appointment and I went on about my business. About an hour later I received a call from someone else reminding me of our appointment at the same time for today. I had created a conflict on my schedule.


I've noticed that many conflicts I get into are of my own making. Maybe I insinuate something I didn't mean to insinuate. Or I was just afraid to state my opinion or desire. And then there are times when I just don't fully know what my position is on a topic.

That's basically what happened with the conflicting appointments: I wasn't aware of all I needed to know. Many times, conflict can be avoided by knowing what you should know before making a statement or a promise.

Then there are those times when conflict arises because of attitudes. Someone is snarky. Another person is easily offended. This guy is bullheaded. That woman is condescending. It's hard to have civil conversations when attitudes stink. A little respect and kindness and humility go a long way in heading off conflict before it starts or resolving conflict once it's going.

I called the church member back as soon as I got off the phone with the first appointment-maker. I apologized and asked if Thursday at the same time would be OK. She said it would. That wasn't a conflict where anyone was mad or speaking hateful words but the process of dealing with a small conflict in scheduling is about the same as dealing with the big stuff.


Keys to resolving conflict include loving the other person enough to be fair and honest with them, having enough humility to admit your own mistakes, communicating clearly to aid understanding, and realizing that some people would rather argue than resolve.

What would you add to this list of keys?

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