Hope

I've often quoted a particular passage of scripture to people who are grieving the loss of a loved one. Today I am grieving. My grandmother died yesterday after five months of health problems. She turned 90 in May, went to a kidney doctor in July for a regular appointment (her kidneys had been hitting about 30%), was admitted to the hospital the next day, and has been home just a handful of days since then.

My mother is one of 4 daughters, one of which has already passed away. My grandfather passed away several years ago. My grandmother was is vibrant, leading part of our family.

By the way, the first grandchild was my sister. I was second but the first boy after the five girls (daughters and granddaughter) so I'm sure I was the favorite!

Mom (we all called her that even though she was mother to only the four daughters) went into hospice care Friday afternoon. About 48 hours later she died. The daughters and sons-in-law, most of the grandchildren, and a sister and her family were gathered in the small room as Mom took her last breath. We had thought at least a hundred times before that she had taken her last breath but after what seemed like minutes she would gasp again. So this time we waited expecting another breath.

That breath never came. I headed to the nurses station to report to them that we thought Mrs. Appleton (I felt odd calling her that) had died. The two of them came to the room and, with so much grace, listened for a heartbeat and let us know that we were right.

The tears flowed. Tears had been flowing for weeks but these were different. Earlier tears were of confusion, disappointment, frustration, of denial. These tears were from grief.

Honestly, I've only experienced tears like those a few times in my life. I've been sheltered, I know.

I've watched families go through this plenty of times. As their pastor I've hugged and held them while their tears flowed. I almost always say, "I'm so sorry you have to go through this." I don't say much else right away. Presence has been more appreciated that words - especially since words don't carry much comfort in the immediate experience of loss. "I love you." "I'm praying for you." "I'm so sorry." I've found that those words mean the most.

And I've been on the receiving end of those words for the last 24 hours. I'm convinced more than ever that the caring words of friends are of great value in such times. My friends are the best!

"Brothers, we do not want you to…grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope" (1 Thessalonians 4:13).

I've watched families grieve over the loss of a loved one in such a way as to express their lack of hope. I fully understand the hurt and loss associated with the death of a loved one. Christians - whose hope is in the Lord - grieve differently because we do have hope.

God does not say that we will not or should not grieve. He says that our grief should not be laden with hopelessness. The passage quoted above is part of Paul's words to believers to help them understand things related to the end of this life and the realities of eternal life.

These days are not filled with grief, although grief is part of these days. Hope is the banner that covers the grief. It doesn't mask or hide the grief; it helps. My hope is not wishful thinking but a confident expectation that what God said is true: those who accept Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord have an eternal home in heaven and one day Jesus will gather all believers for a meeting in the air that will usher in his kingdom.

Grief is a reality. Hope helps us as we grieve.