Put Up or Shut Up

I've heard many Christians say something like this: I have always told others to trust the Lord and have faith in him during times of trouble; then when the storms hit my life I was faced with a crisis of belief - do I really believe what I've always told others?

Today, I understand the feeling. The doctor said there were many reasons why the lymph nodes in my chest would be swollen that are not malignant.

Driving away I prayed. First, I prayed these words: Lord, I trust your healing power. Then I thought about how selfish that was. I was presuming upon God that he wanted to heal me. My understanding of God is that his ways are not my ways, his thoughts not my thoughts. In this circumstance that means that while I may desire healing, he may not. And I am not to question his will.

Often a person's life has more impact in dying than in living. God's will for me is still unknown to me in full. But I do know that he desires that I trust him for salvation from my sins and that I live all my days (few or many) to bring glory to him. These things I know for sure. The details are sketchy, at best.

So I then prayed, "Lord, I trust your will." Then I cried. Because the hardest thing in the world is to trust his will over yours.

My Savior did that. "Father, let this cup pass from me. However, not my will but yours be done."

Someone told me today that everything would be OK because our God is the healer. Yes, he is. But he may not heal this body. The difference in our beliefs are that she believes God does what I want and I believe God does what he wants. Have you ever wanted something so badly only to later find out what a mistake it was? But have you ever known God to do something that later turned out to be a mistake? His ways are not my ways.

I trust his will to be perfect. Perfect for me. Perfect for my wife. Perfect for my kids. Perfect for the rest of my family. Perfect for my church. Perfect for my job. Perfect.

I still have lapses of weak faith. I guess I always will until God takes me home. Sooner or later.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance. And perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4